“Weird,” I thought, but I obviously went to the pub anyway. And while it doesn’t get any easier to take, I have realised over the years that it can actually be a really good thing.
I had even run into him the day before – we live in the same neighbourhood – and he had introduced me to his friends and said he was excited to see me. If you spend quality time with someone, or make plans with someone, why not have the decency to text a few lines to say if it’s not working out?
I texted him on Sunday afternoon to confirm I’d be at the pub at 8, but he didn’t respond. Nearly every unattached friend I have – male or female – has told me that they’ve been ghosted at least once.
There really is no explanation why people ghost, although I think most people either a) don’t care very much b) have changed their mind and don’t want to/don’t know how to end it or c) find it the easy way out of something they’re not ready to define (although a friend of mine was ghosted after dating someone for a year. It comes from a place of fear, as in, they’re scared of having to share their feelings and *gasp* put themselves out there for a potentially awkward text conversation that really only has to take up five minutes of their life.
They may not be an inherently bad person, but ghosting is definitely bad behaviour. Perhaps – maybe if you only had a couple of dates and you didn’t make specific plans for another rendezvous – but for the most part, it is to just send a polite goodbye text (unless you are being harassed or made to feel uncomfortable, in which case, ghost that motherfucker no matter how long you have been dating).
When someone ghosts you, they’re showing you exactly who they are.
They’re showing you that they are capable of acting quite selfish and inconsiderate… As one of my favourite people on the internet, Mark Manson, writes, if you’re in the grey zone, you’ve already lost.
But at least it’s honest, and he knew exactly where he stood. Neither of us had to harbour any ill will or frantically check our phone a hundred times a day. I never thought that this person was going to be a serious boyfriend, but I did care about him. but know that in all likelihood the person won’t reply.
He wrote back almost immediately saying he did understand, and it was nice to meet me, and he wished me all the best. *** The third time I was ghosted, the most recent time, I didn’t understand why I didn’t see it coming. I knew it had an expiration date, but I thought we’d end up as friends, or that it would at least end on a nice note. After weeks of silence (except when he asked me for tips about Instagram… I mean, if they don’t have the balls to tell you they want to end things, they probably won’t have the balls to say they’re sorry.
And if someone ghosts you, or frequently ignores your messages, you are definitely in the grey zone…
in fact, there’s no doubt about it, you’re out of the game all together.
When someone ghosts, they’re making it very easy for you to see that they’re definitely not the person for you, and that you’re much better off without them. It’s just happened to me with a guy I’d chatted on line to every day for a year. I fundamentally don’t understand how a person can even do it–I would feel so shitty just ignoring someone else. ) Yes, sending that text is hard, but it makes it so much easier in the long run – you don’t leave the other person hanging, and you’re not left with any weird guilt.